Life as a Refugee – A Personal Story of Loss, Survival, and Hope

By Toti Jacob Finosa

Greeting to you my dear friends hope you are doing well

It’s now nine (9) years and five (5) Months and Eight (8) days I have been as refugee, it was journey nobody had prepared to say goodbye to the nation and friends.

After a while you remembered that you were once holding positions, you had business that was reduced to ash, you were a Doctor, an Engineer or a Lawyer and the receiving Country sees no profession in you however, all of you are counted refugees no entitlement no protocol and next day you find yourself lining up for food ratio and also find yourself sleeping in an open roof area that was assigned to Adam and Eve.

You start learning how to adjust to new life style that seem unfamiliar to you and your entire family and feel something that looks like you are attacked by monster in broad day light. You look confused like something is missing and it is evidence that you have lost your Country, you have lost everything and your future looks dark like blank paper without dot of ink.

It’s at that moment the silence echoes so load in your heart and feel as if you have been cursed with your entire generation, one night looks like you have already spent years everything has been reduce to basic, taking soda, sugar, bathing soap are no longer in your menu. All what you have is posho, oil and beans, you have steel plates, Jerricans, Source spans, blanket carpet and few poles.

Life as refugee teaches hard moments and pain nobody is prepared to handle, thus no one has word that can fully explain and describe it, it’s a moment you live without nobody knowing what you are going through, for other humanitarian partner staff it is job that can bring food to their table and take advantage of the vulnerability while for other humanitarian staff you could see real humanity in the way the treat refugees and see how they keep integrity of Refugee

Many humanitarian staff will counsel and tell you to be strong but they barely know what you are going through during that silent night, where you cry during night to avoid your children see and hear you crying.

Many friends see you smiling during day light but they cannot see your tears during night, when you are bleeding internal inside your quite room when all doors are closed and everyone is a slept.

Many people outside admire your strength, courage and resilience but they forget that this strength has been forced on you by the circumstance around you.

Sometimes society is so cruel and show no mercy or kindness, some judge you by your looks some laugh at you while others have pit on you, some treat you like your life has come to an end

Life as refugee is university where you can graduate but no certificate however you will only remember one thing that when you have nothing the world forget about you only genuine friends will keep contact with you, it is life you meet a lot of people, working class your fellow refugees and citizens of host country. This people you meet see you in different ways more especially when you have started to recover and your life started to change from worst to good.

Life as Refugee is nobodies desire, but it trains your brain to view this world from different lens and trains you to survive where there is nothing and also uncover fake friends, presents to the true and genuine friends. You can also see strength and wisdom that has been built in you.

Life as refugee teaches you resilience, it teaches you that when everything is gone hope can still find you

My advice to every refugee out there; you can re-candle your life and look at yourself as if you are writing testimony or history that even though you lost everything and your belongings raised to ashes you can still rise again because life cannot define you, although you carry pain but you also carry hope of better future

Life as refugee is not an end of your story but beginning of another chapter in your life and also it offers an opportunity to review your strength and it gives you chance to see how people treat you when you have nothing

Thank you.

Story Submited by	Contact	Location
Toti Jacob Finosa	nyei839@gmail.com	Kyangwa Refugee Settlement

Submit your Refugee Stories to us via Email:voice@therefugeevoice.org